• Austen Moore

If you want an easy life then make hard decisions!



I've generally found that the easiest decisions we make only provide very short term benefits, and in some cases this time may literally be seconds. The easiest decisions are often the most appealing to our nature which may be one of avoiding conflict with others, or for some, it may feel more natural to nurture conflict as the easy solution.

Even burying your head in the sand is still a decision, it's a decision to hide from actually making any decision and hoping that it will all evaporate by itself. I think of it like a Tortoise, pulling itself inside it's shell and hoping that all the danger has disappeared when it pops back out again. Most people don't rationalise this as a decision in itself, but it's still making a choice in the same way choosing to have no Desert or to have Desert is equally a decision, which comes before you make a choice on what the Desert is you intend to eat.

Unlike the Tortoise who is retreating in the shell by very design, which will in fact save it's life in most cases. Our threat's tend to be far less primitive, so a retreat into your shell will most likely just extend the period of time that you feel unhappy and merely delay the eventual challenge that needs to be overcome. This is where the advice comes from that says we need to see the world as having "challenges that need to be overcome instead of obstacles to be avoided".

This doesn't mean that confronting everyone and anything with anger is the solution. The Tortoise saves it's life without a single a piece of aggression, so whatever challenge you face in life it needs a proportionate level or sometimes even less, to overcome it.

Screaming at a loved one or co-worker is unlikely to make your life easier in the short or long term. For those that bottle up their feelings over time, this outcome of explosion can often be the net result. Quite often those at the receiving end of this don't deserve this amount of anger, at that level in that way for the reason it's being given.

I once parked my car in a space and got out to find someone screaming in my face that I had stolen their parking space. When I apologised and said I thought they were turning left and it was a genuine mistake, he told me it wasn't a mistake and that I didn't care. And so the screaming continued until I walked away.

I was initially fairly calm, I apologised even though I hadn't done the deed knowingly. But when he began questioning my values, what makes me the person I am I felt a huge level of injustice and I will admit that I left for his safety not mine.

I was only able to rationalise it all once I had stepped away from it and stepping away was a hard decision, so was apologising. Once I stepped away from and defocused myself from thinking about the feeling of injustice levelled against me I was able to realise the following.

I was receiving all the vented anger that had built up in him which others had caused. My innocent action was the straw that broke the camels back. I know I'm not the selfish uncaring person who stole his supermarket car parking space out of spite. Once I realised that I felt fine again.

I stopped focusing on me and the injustice against me and thought more about him and those that may have made him feel that way.

#Decisions #change #emotion #nlpcoaching #LifeCoachWhittlesey #lifechange

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